What a fucking day...
  Accidentally cooked the recipe book with the meal, Ended up with more wine in me than blood, Ended up with more wine in me than patience, Even my alarm clock is asking for overtime, Even my coffee needs a coffee, Even my goldfish tried to drown itself, Even my GPS said, In 300 feet, give up, Even my hamster ran off the wheel, Even my pillow is screaming for mercy, Even my plants are giving me side-eye like, 'Seriously? You again?', Even my shadow decided to leave for a brighter prospect, Even my smart TV suggested I go outside, Even Siri said, 'I can't help with that, Got sucked into the Matrix and now can't escape, I accidentally sent 'I love you' to my boss that was meant for my cat, I accidentally sent my phone to Mars and can't find it!, I can't decide if I should laugh or just cry hysterically, I feel like I'm a hobbit on an unexpected journey to the land of chaos, I found some bubble wrap today, but it was already popped, I must have accidentally activated the Bat-Signal, because everything is going Gotham-style, I slipped up and accidentally poured coffee all over my cat, I sneezed so hard, my dog thought I was casting a spell., I swear even my dog needs therapy now, I swear, I'm convinced the Matrix is glitch, I think even Monday would be scared, I think I accidentally stumbled into the annual gathering of supervillains convention, I went to the bank, but all they had were shares of bad jokes, I yelled 'plot twist' and switched from coffee to wine at noon, I'm convinced I could stub my toe on a cloud, It feels like a Sith Lord mistakenly thought I was a Jedi and targetted me, It's as if I got stuck in a time loop without a TARDIS to escape, It's as if the Force is conspiring against me, Padawan problems and all, It's like I'm in a parallel universe where chaos has its own gravitational pull., It's like I'm living in an alternate reality where Murphy's Law is the only law, Lost my phone and found it in my hand after an hour, My cat held a staff meeting and voted me off the island, My coffee looked at me and fell asleep, My computer crashed more times than my diet plans, My GPS laughed and said 'Good luck figuring it out', My pizza got delivered to my neighbor and they pretended not to be home, Netflix decided to buffer during the final fight scene in John Wick, Ran into a mirror on a rollercoaster and got trapped there, Siri asked me if I needed directions to the nearest cliff, Spilled coffee on my laptop and found it online, Spilled coffee on my shirt, now it's more awake than I am, Swallowed a spider web without realizing it was a trap, The trash went out more than I did, Tripped over WiFi signals and fell into an existential crisis, Wandered into a time loop in an alternate reality where Murphy's Law is the only law